Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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