Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
