i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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