maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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