You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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