I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...