Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.