In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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