like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
