Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
