We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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