Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
