he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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