apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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