Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
