I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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