I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
