I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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