That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
