After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
