my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
