I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
