i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
