Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
