So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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