I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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