fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
