she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
