I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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