So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
