well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
