Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
