Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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