I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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