i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Every concussion has its silver lining
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
