We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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