If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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