Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We named our party play list daddy issues
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just blew my weed a kiss
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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