I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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