id be glad to
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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