The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize