wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
