We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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