We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
