omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
