I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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