well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
honey bunches of taint.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
