Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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