This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
