After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize