ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
