Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
