He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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