Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
