don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize