I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
