what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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