The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
