my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
