just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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