thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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