currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
