Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Your dad touched me again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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