My room smells like vodka and shame
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
