Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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