You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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