dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
