goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
