We're like a lot better than the average bears
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
